Updates every Monday
—
Dear Milo,
My wife's 50th birthday is coming up in February. The kids and I would love to throw her a huge party for reaching that milestone, but I unfortunately cannot.
It's not just the virus. My wife is really upset about this birthday and doesn't want to talk about it. Doesn't want a party. Doesn't want us to make a big deal. No presents! For whatever reason, it's freaking her out that she's turning 50 and feels like it means she is “old,” even though she never felt old at ALL last year or even this year until now.
Actually, she is a part-time yoga instructor, runs about 3 miles a day, and can spend a weekend dancing to blues music for hours. She keeps herself in fantastic shape, could pass for 35, and is as beautiful to me as the day I married her. On top of that, she's smart, funny, successful, and a great mom. I am so lucky.
We compromised and agreed that I could get her a card and cook her a dinner for two. I'd love it if you wrote a special poem for her, which I will put into the card. Just do your thing, but let her know how much I love her and not to let the number of candles on a birthday cake get her down.
Thanks so much,
—Lucky Hubby
Dear Hubby,
Er...she sounds great! What are the chances you could introduce us?
—Milo
Congrats on another Circumnavigation of the Sun
Happy birthday! Yay, you're fifty!
Fifty may seem awfully old,
but actually, your husband thinks
you're sexy as a centerfold.
He tells me that he's really lucky to
have landed such a lovely broad.
He loves you even more than beer, and
says you have a bitchin' bod.
And I'm a dude, so I believe him.
Even though I haven't seen you,
I'm inclined to trust his word
That you're as hawt as jalapeño.
Fifty isn't bad at all,
Especially since you like to dance.
It makes you sweaty so you're ready
Afterwards for sweet romance.
And yoga keeps you fit and limber
For gymnastics on the bed
(and also for those shopping sprees
that women seem to like, instead).
So don't you fret about your age.
You're healthy, hale, and still quite young.
A woman really isn't old
Until she reaches fifty-one. 😉
—
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—
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